Charleston Residents Furious with Hurricane Irene

Earlier this week, Hurricane Irene had Charleston in her sights. Local residents began planning their evacuation routes, checking their food supplies, and preparing for the worst. As of this morning, the National Hurricane Center predicts the eye of the storm will move up the coast to the Outerbanks, coastal Virginia, and eventually die out in the upper Eastern seaboard.  While 99.92% of Charleston residents are thrilled to be spared the wrath of Mother Nature, we found the .08% that were not so happy.

Frank Bucci, owner of Lowcountry Hurricane Repair, was banking on some help from Mother Nature this year.  His company had just bought a wet-dry vac, two mops, and a shovel in anticipation of Irene.  “All that money on new equipment and Irene is a no-go for Charleston.  Fingers crossed my other business, Lowcountry Snow Removal, has a good winter.” stated Mr. Bucci.

Bennett McAllister of Johns Island said, “When it comes to hurricanes, it’s all about the Benjamins (street term for $100 bills).  Ya see, I’m what you call a ‘Crisis Based Entrepreneur’.  This $170 chainsaw I bought yesterday would’ve sold for $600 next week, but Irene screwed me over.  I was gonna buy me a new plasma TV, rims for my ride, and an iPhone, but that ain’t gonna happen now. “

The Kilpatrick family of Ladson is upset because their current residence needs to be replaced and they were hoping Irene would help.  “Mamma K” responded, “Our home is old and tired and we had our dreams on one of those FEMA trailers but Irene decided to crush our dreams and go somewhere else.”